Facebook: To Add, or not to Add?

You shouldn’t be Facebook friends with someone you’re dating. It’s that simple. When you choose to add someone you’re dating on Facebook, not only does it take the excitement out of getting to know someone the old fashion way, it leaves room for unnecessary pre-judgments and assumptions (I won’t even mention the honorary stalker pass).  How many of us have found ourselves checking out the page of someone we’re dating more than we will ever admit?  I remember a time when I accepted a friend request from a guy I really liked and—nevermind. I can’t go there; it’s just too embarrassing.

Anywho, the dating experience should be as organic as possible. It shouldn’t consist of daily Facebook stalking sessions to find answers. Instead, it should involve getting to know the person on an intimate level through real conversation as oppose to a totally misconstrued view point via *Facebook snooping.

I will never forget the time I accepted a friend request from someone I was dating for a very short period of time. I’m guessing it took him all of 10-15 pictures to get my whole life story. I was a party girl who drank excessively and had at least three rotating boyfriends. It was obvious…EVERYONE who takes a photo with someone of the opposite sex has to be sexually involved in some way. Oh, and that birthday photo with a martini in my hand? It was evident that I was one martini short of writing a check to Bonquisha Johnson Rehab Center (the Bettye Ford for minorities). Of course this wasn’t the case, he had it all wrong. Immediately after, he called me and started the whole “Are you ready to be in a relationship?” bit. Needless to say, that was the end of our dating journey.

If you want to know more about your person of interest, just ask and don’t pull a Chris Hansen (Facebook Edition) because that will most likely cause a plethora of misconception. Think of it like this, on a first date you wouldn’t talk about how your ex was a non-fashionable, leprechaun shoe wearing, cheapskate who still referred to his mom as “mommy”, would you? I hope not.  Accepting someone on Facebook you’re just starting to date has the same equivalence, it’s just not a good idea.

So with that said, how do you address the , “Do you have Facebook,” question? An open and honest answer like, “Yes, I do have Facebook but I don’t feel comfortable giving it to you because you may stalk me and judge every morsel of activity on my page,” could be an option. If that it doesn’t work for you an, “I only exchange my Facebook information with close friends and family” will suffice.

Ultimately, the decision is up to you. If you want to treat your dating experience like a credit check, by checking out every comment, post, picture and like on your potential boo’s page, that’s your prerogative. But just like Pookie’s credit check, there can be a mistake on your future beaux’s Facebook check, too. You remember that time you swore off all men who went to the club and posed in front of an airbrushed canvas of Tupac and Biggie?  How about that girl who keeps commenting and liking every post and picture he posts? Welp, here’s the bottom line: Nothing is what it seems 100% of the time, so don’t let Facebook deter you from someone who could ultimately be the one for you.

*Facebook snooping– anything that involves profile tracking. For example, Jane “likes” your potential boo’s photo. You immediately click on Jane’s page and check out her credentials to see if she’s cuter than you while simultaneously looking for any other relevant activity that involves your future man. Congrats, you’ve just Facebook snooped!


All articles shared on http://www.muffiebradshaw.com are original pieces written by Muffie Bradshaw unless otherwise stated. So in other words, don’t re-blog without the props! =o)


About Muffie Bradshaw, Coach

Muffie Bradshaw is an award-winning relationship blogger and coach who has been seen on The Steve Harvey Show. Other works include online magazines including, but not limited to, singleblackmale.org and womensforum.com. With many relationship experiences, including breakups, dating successes and disasters, Muffie knows firsthand the mistakes women should avoid when going through the ups and downs of dating. Through her writing and coaching services, Muffie specializes in helping women reach a higher level of understanding regarding their dating lives through self-assuring decision making techniques, self-reflection and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) inspired methods.

12 Responses

  1. MH

    I’ll be the oddball and disagree with this one. I think its about the maturity level of the person and how they choose to interpret what they see on facebook AND to not “snoop!” I’ve met great people from becoming facebook friends. Ie. I’m on Match.com too and Facebook is like the new Match. The advantage of Facebook is you can verify that the person is who they say they are by how many mutual friends you may have or just the fact that they’re on a public social networking site too. Ie. On match they said their name was Brian but on Facebook its really Michael. Me personally, I don’t have time to snoop and investigate liking photos, postings, comments, etc… If anything I’ll glance at the profile picture as a reminder of how beautiful he is and how I’m looking forward to seeing him on our next date. (I’m not a fan of picture sharing on the phone….I don’t have time to take pictures evertime I have on a cute outfit). So…in conclusion, Facebook is great for those of us who are mature, who don’t snoop, who don’t make assumptions, and who don’t have time to do any of the above!!!

  2. Whitney

    Yessss to all of it! A guy I recently started dating sent me a request one night while we were on the phone. It kind of put me on the spot to accept it, and you know the first thing I did…hit up those photo albums! I saw he still had pics of him and his ex *glare*.

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