I’d Rather Find a Mate on Facebook


PlentyOfFish, OKCupid and Match, are just a few online dating options for singles looking for love. The taboo associated with online dating is slowly starting to dissipate due to the technological advances in today’s society. In other words, almost everyone has a Facebook account and a SMART phone unless they’re living under a rock and/or over the age of 85. As a result, I decided to give formalized online dating a try. Here’s my story:

Once upon a time a little brown girl named–just kidding. I’ve always wanted to start a blog using that phrase. Anywho, I got in a phase (which only lasted three weeks) where I wanted a relationship and wanted it quickly. I wanted something that was quick and easy; something comparable to online shopping. After I got over my fear that someone I knew was going to find me on a dating site “looking for love”, I did it. I joined.

With a couple clicks of my mouse, online dating literally allowed me to pick out a mate without being too overtly shallow–I will admit that the height requirement had to be over 6 feet. Don’t judge. What’s an Amazon goddess to do? I’m 6’1 in heels. Again, I digress (blame it on my self-diagnosed ADD short attention span). Anyway, after my specifications for my man were done, I waited for my plethora of men to show up in my search (I just knew there were going to be hundreds). And there they were…my matches-all two of them. Wait a second. I must have mistakenly put over 7 feet instead of 6 feet tall. There had to be more men to choose from. I didn’t think finding a man who was over 6 feet with no kids was that hard to find. For obvious reasons, I was immediately discouraged and decided to broaden my horizons to singles outside of my city and state (for the sake of experiment) and lowered my height requirement by a few inches. As a result, I ended up with a few more matches.

After my search expansion, a few men emailed me using terrible cyber game and cliché greetings like, “Hello, what brings you to this dating site?”, “I enjoyed your profile and would love to get to know you.” Yadda, yadda, yadda. I entertained the emails and started cyber chatting with a few “matches” from the site. Very few of them seemed to have the “it” factor of cyber personalities, but there was a lad in particular who really made me LOL (not the cliché LOL  used to fill awkward “cyber silence”), he laughed at my corny witty cyber jokes and never started an email with, “Wat up, ma?” Eventually, we exchanged digits and partook in our first convo. It took me less than two minutes to realize that I was talking to a guy who had the personality of Mr. Dry Eyes. How could someone with so much personality online be comparable to the sex-ed Miracle of Life video every student had to watch if they went to a public middle school in the nineties? Then I got to thinking, if I had to choose an online site to find a mate, I would choose Facebook for two very specific reasons: 

1. The Mutual Friend Factor:

Unlike the formalized dating sites I have tried, Facebook has a feature that could be advantageous when deciding to make the first move: The Mutual Friend Factor.  Before emails ever got too in depth between us, I would always refer to our mutual friend list and get the dibs from a couple of friends.  This was very helpful in preventing another “Mr. Dry Eyes” situation (great personality online, but no personality in person). Even if I didn’t know any of our mutual friends personally, it still would give me more satisfaction than a totally random guy from Match a formalized dating website hitting me up.

2. Less Pressure:

I’ve never been receptive to guys who approach me with lines. I think I’ve heard everything from, “Lemme get a sip of that martini,” to more cliché lines like, “Do you gotta man; do you want one?” Although not as crass and overt, the men (with an exception of the aforementioned) who approached me on the dating sites seemed to have that same direct and overly forward approach.  On Facebook however, convo seemed more natural with less pressure to meet. Plus, there were no awkward getting-to-know-you questions.

What are your thoughts on dating people from Facebook? Match? Yay or nay?

All articles shared on http://www.muffiebradshaw.com are original pieces written by Muffie Bradshaw unless otherwise stated. So in other words, don’t re-blog without the props! =o)


About Muffie Bradshaw, Dating Coach

Muffie Bradshaw is an award-winning relationship blogger and dating coach who has been seen on The Steve Harvey Show. Other works include online magazines including, but not limited to, singleblackmale.org and womensforum.com. With many relationship experiences, including breakups, dating successes and disasters, Muffie knows firsthand the mistakes women should avoid when going through the ups and downs of dating. Through her writing and coaching services, Muffie specializes in helping women reach a higher level of understanding regarding their dating lives through self-assuring decision making techniques, self-reflection and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) inspired methods.

11 Responses

  1. You make some intersting points. I’ve never used a dating site, but I’ll admit to using Facebook and other social media sites to try to ‘meet’ women…awhile ago. After some time I eventually stopped. I met a few interesting young women, but nothing that evolved into something major. It was fun. Plus, I made some good friends in the process.

    Would I consider hoping on Facebook and looking for a mate again? Maybe. They say to never say never, right?

    To be honest I need to get out and mingle more up close and personal. It’s never been one of my strengths, which is why I used to hope on FB and the like to interact with women. Now I think it’s less likely that I’ll meet ‘The One’ online…but it is possible…no denying that.

    I really enjoyed this post. I’ll have to swing by and check out your site more often.

  2. Melanie

    Glad to here I’m not the only woman in the world who tried online dating. Even thought it was cute that you compared it to online shopping–my sentiments exactly; but I will never do it again. Also, I rather enjoyed the anecdotes you gave, but FACEBOOK! I think it rather creepy. One pet peeve of mine is if one of my friend’s mutual friends tries to request me as a friend, always guys, without any kind of explanation as to what the hell they want. But there was this one guy that I’ll admit sent me a message he was my brother bff in h.s. Keep in mind, I don’t remember him cuz I was like six at that time. Any way that M.F. sent me an, “oh so I’ve seen you’ve grown up message”, and I replied of course with some flirting letting him know yes I’m interested cuz why else would this stranger send me a message, and this PUNK A$$ NEGRO hasn’t even responded…that was 1 month ago. I mean wtf? Now what advice do you have on that? P.S I have a functional phone–has the phone and text…lol..As a matter of fact when a dude tries to holla I be like I forgot my phone in the car, but thats only cuz my cousin said it looked like a goverment phone (funny as hell when she said it)!

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