Written By: Don Ghotti
Edited By: Muffie Bradshaw
1. The Blind Date
Ladies, you’ve spent hours at the mall shopping for the right shoes to match the pink clutch purse that you picked up last week. You’ve already gotten your mani/pedi and the last thing on your To-Do list is to stop by Shaketa’s crib to pick up the accessories you ordered from her online boutique. You have put in work for this date and pray Mr. Man is worth it. Hours later, you’re stepping out of the shower as you blindly reach for your iPhone, almost dropping it. It’s him. He wants to meet down at that new swanky bistro over in the meat packing district. Chasity at work set this blind date up and you had a bad feeling about this from the jump. You comb out your weave, finish applying your Mac and grab your keys while darting out of the door. You pause in front of the body-length mirror to reassure yourself that the gym flow has been paying off. As you sit on the train going eastbound to Gansevoort Street, you think of dating as a second job…
You were supposed to meet him around seven, however, it’s almost a quarter to eight as you approach the bistro. There he is. He stands as you scurry in and give him a Christian church hug. He pulls you a little tighter. He’s quite forward for someone you’ve never met. The night progresses as you both order drinks and the twenty-one questions begin. You find out he’s a freelance photographer. He scoots his chair closer. His questions continue to intensify. By the time the second pomegranate martini is poured, his innuendoes have turned to blatant jeers of sexual questioning. You feel super uncomfortable and you ask for the check. Next thing you know, buddy is asking you to come back to his place for dessert. The date is a total disaster. You storm out of the bistro down the street. ”Why does this always happen to me? I’m gonna kill Chasity…”
Author’s corner: The 1st biggest dating mistake is that women don’t screen their potential dates thoroughly. Suggestion: Pay very close attention to the initial conversations, text messages, social network comments, etc. Maybe even consider a FaceTime or Skype date first before committing to meeting in purpose. This will save time, preparation expenses, energy, etc.
2. The Homies
It’s summer and your aunt Theresa from Atlanta invites you down for a long weekend get-a-way. This is dope because you have a few home girls who live in Atlanta. You book your ticket for the following weekend, clear your schedule for that Thursday and Friday, then hit your girls up on Facebook.
The days preceding seem to fly by once you get to Sunday. It’s finally Wednesday which, for you , is your Friday. Four o’clock finally arrives and you are clocking out headed to the airport. LaGuardia is packed as heck with weekend warriors who seem to have the same idea you did. You finally make it through security and head to Terminal 14. While in route, you stop at Cinnabon to grab something to eat. You order a large lemonade and a regular cinnamon roll with no icing. The total is $9.42. You tear your purse up trying to find the loose change at the bottom. A stranger interrupts, ”Miss I have 42 cents.” You turn around to see a Tyson Beckford look-a-like: Tall, dark and chiseled. You accept the change, pay for your goodies and quickly thank the stranger.
Thirty minutes later you board the plane and take your seat in 15C, a nice window seat. The plane is almost packed and 15A and B are still open. A tall figure eventually approaches and takes his seat in 15A. It’s him, your future hubby. You mutter, ”Well hello. Long time no see stranger.” Moments later it’s wheels up and you two are ATL bound, Shawty! The stranger introduces himself as Eugene, a business consultant from Atlanta who’s headed back early for a meeting tomorrow morning. You introduce yourself and the two of you talk for the entire hour and forty five-minute flight. The wheels touch down at Hartsfield-Jackson and the two of you exit and head to the train. Eugene escorts you to the South terminal where you are greeted by your Atlanta homies, Keisha and Dominique. ”Well, Mr. Eugene, it was very nice talking to you, sir,” you mutter. ”The same here, ma’am,” he says in a southern drawl. He extends a business card, but is quickly interrupted by your ghetto-fabulous girlfriends: ”Excuse me, and who is you?” “‘What kind of car do you drive?” “Do you live in Buckhead?” Eugene is flustered. He says softly for you to call him and heads to the parking deck.
The next day you call repeatedly but you’re unable to reach him. Your entire Atlanta trip has been ruined and the man of your dreams is gone without a trace!
Author’s corner: The second biggest dating mistake is having your homies aka “ratchets” around when attempting to get to know someone. Most established men tend to judge a woman by the company she keeps. This is not fair, but it’s reality. Suggestion: If possible, never allow your friends to meet a potential date until you have a chance to vibe with him and allow him to fully understand who you really are.
3. The Ex
It’s Monday morning and it’s definitely a sunglasses and Advil type of morning. This weekend in ATL was a wild one even though you lost contact with Eugene. You make your way up the steps from the train to 42nd street in route to your job at Conde Nast Publications. You grab a morning bagel as your iPhone screams into your bluetooth, ”Call from Eugene’’ . You stare at the phone in disbelief and think to yourself, OMG. You answer quickly with a staggered hello. A deep sexy voice says, ”Hey, You! How are you, Gorgeous?” You can barely keep it together. It starts to drizzle as you cover your phone and run into the lobby of work. You flash your badge to security and say, ”Hey look, Eugene, do you mind if I call you back around lunch time? I’m walking into the office as we speak.” As he quickly states that he’ll be back in the city tomorrow on business, a call waiting interrupts. You glance at the screen to see ”DO NOT ANSWER” is calling. It’s your ex. The signal drops. You think to yourself how crazy it is that everyone comes out of the woods when you finally find someone you think you connect with. You stare at the computer monitor for hours clicking spreadsheets while thinking of what to do. Should you call Eugene back or call your stupid ex to see what he wants?
Author’s corner: Most new relationships are tarnished by a reemerging ex coming back into the picture. Although you can’t control who tries to come back into your life, you can control if you allow them room to come back. Make things as crystal clear as you possibly can to your ex that the relationship is over. Most women will occasionally entertain the thought of being friends with their ex, which often sends the wrong message. If you are over it, BE OVER IT. Move on.
4. Social Networking
Before lunch, you decide to do some investigating on this new guy Eugene and look him up on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You found him. Online, he goes by the name Mr. Chocolate Thunder. “Hmmm…”, you think to yourself as you send out a friend request to each social network. Ten minutes go by. Twenty minutes go by, then forty-five minutes go by. You check and check but no request approval. Finally, it’s lunchtime and you have a lunch date with your Puerto Rican friend, Marisol. You start the conversation off with a, “Girl…we need to talk.” You tell Marisol that Eugene has not accepted any of your friend requests. You ask her if it would be too evasive to confront Eugene about it. Your cell rings. It’s Eugene…
Author’s corner: Be very careful about using social networking sites to stay in contact with a ”new boo”. This is something that will make any potential man sketchy about sharing ”the real him” in the initial weeks of dating. Even later in the relationship, social networking can strain a relationship. Use your best judgment. Remember a man needs his ”space” and ”privacy” and it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s up to something.
“I decided to write after working behind the scene in the music biz. My hidden pen work reemerged through the press release I would write for recording artists. I was able to test out the effect I have on people through my relationship blurbs on Facebook and Twitter and found that I have a certain effect on people. I heal them even for just a moment in time. That’s it. I write, therefore I heal.” ~Don Ghotti
Great article. Nice to see these notorious mistakes from a man’s perspective.
The article was nice and on point, often times we women like to look and smell are best but come off as too sexy which in turns leads a man to think the wrong thing. As far as bringing your girls around a potential date , I agree that can be disastrous but on the flip side of that give a sista a chance. And the ex, he’s an ex for a reason. Keep him there, if u see him out say hi and keep it movin. Social media and dating can be bad but it doesn’t have to be………use common sense, know that he had a life before u .
I couldn’t agree more with most of this article! Specially the whole requesting on social sites! Ladies lets let these men be them! When we don’t allow them to they act like whatever it is that you want for that little while and then BAM!!! You wanna be shocked he’s a complete jerk! When we allow someone to be themselves it gives US the choice to stay and deal with it or keep it moving and find whatever it is we think is better. Js.
Men (and women) judge you by the company you keep. I couldn’t agree more. I enjoyed reading this piece!
Blind date thing was on point. Her friends are ratchet. Never understood the whole cyber stalking thing but I’ve been a victim of it. Nice article.
Its about time women can get a clear idea of how men see situations that pertain to dating! Good job!
Love them all!!!!….Can’t wait to read some more!!!?#Wonderful Job
Enjoyed reading this article….you definitely hit on some great points……READY TO READ THE NEXT ONE!!
I can’t wait to post the next installment…Muffie give me the word!!
Great job! Can’t wait to read more!
I enjoyed reading your blog Don!!! I’m sure it is one of your many talents!!! ~RealTalk~
Great man……time for a fresh perspective on things……feeling one of those 4 true senerios in my life now.
I loved the article…so very true, each scenario…. Great job!!!
Wow I really did like the articles. I was actually able to visualize myself in every scenario…and I especially loved the author corners after each story….great tips coming from the mans perspective. And If I find myself on the dating scene again..I am Def using the tip about the facetime or Skype date 1st. Good JOB!