Ask Muffie: I Keep Attracting Insecure Men!

Hey Girl, 

So not even I can answer this. I keep attracting insecure men. I am an “empowerment enthusiast”, so I always try to give men a chance, even though I know it won’t work. My discernment is usually on point. However, I have question: Am I attracting insecure men because I’m appearing insecure or do these men have “Mommy Syndrome” when they see a woman who can build them up? Help!!


Annoyed in Atlanta

Hi Annoyed in Atlanta,

Thanks for your question! Let’s get right to it, shall we? As helpers or “empowerment enthusiasts”, we often find ourselves finding fulfillment in cheering others on and picking out the qualities in
which we can build. There’s nothing wrong with that, but don’t make it your only means to fulfillment when dating.  Your question specifically asked, “Why do I keep attracting insecure men?” That’s a great question with a multifaceted response. There are two specific things that come to mind. Here goes:

1. Impatience

Impatience is usually the main culprit when we choose to give someone a chance we normally wouldn’t. There are many reasons for impatient dating: I’m getting older, the good men are taken, everyone is married, I want kids, etc.

“However, impatience can cause us to make rash dating decisions, which can spiral into a slippery and insecure-pun intended-dating slope.

If you’re looking for something serious, don’t entertain him and keep it moving without him, no matter how long it’s been since your last date. The wait is usually well worth the reward and will save you a lot of time!

2. Misdirected focus

“Often times, when we need to work on things in our lives or within ourselves, we shift our attention to something or someone else that may need ‘fixing’.”

This subconscious or conscious manifestation can significantly affect our dating lives and cause us to misdirect our focus. In your case, choosing to entertain an insecure man will shift the focus from you and can cause you to avoid things that you may need to sort through and fix.

“It’s easy to shift the attention on someone else’s problems and find temporary fulfillment in being the helper.”

This never ends well because when the smoke clears, we still have our problems that need to be worked on and the person you’re helping is still insecure.

Your takeaways: Practice patience and realign your focus! You’ll be surprised by the results! 

#DateWisely -Muffie B.


Have a dating question? Email Muffie at

All articles shared on are original pieces written by Muffie Bradshaw unless otherwise stated. In other words, don’t repost without the props! 

About Muffie Bradshaw, Coach

Muffie Bradshaw is an award-winning relationship blogger and coach who has been seen on The Steve Harvey Show. Other works include online magazines including, but not limited to, and With many relationship experiences, including breakups, dating successes and disasters, Muffie knows firsthand the mistakes women should avoid when going through the ups and downs of dating. Through her writing and coaching services, Muffie specializes in helping women reach a higher level of understanding regarding their dating lives through self-assuring decision making techniques, self-reflection and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) inspired methods.

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